I determined to do this thing for 31 Days expecting it to not take me as long to write each post as it does. I don't know why that surprises me. If you are a writer, I imagine that you labor of your words like me. You don't take them lightly. You don't choose them flamboyantly. You don't ever "not edit." This is your voice. And this is mine. And my goodness, this is my story, and while I can't tell it in it's fullness, I would like to try to encompass it in a way that does it justice.
So my apology is that I have missed some days. Today will be another. (Or yesterday as of 21 minutes ago as I'm typing.) Today I realized though that my commitment was to write for 31 days. I can do that without laboring over my 31 years each time. So hopefully, even if I can't tell my story on a certain day from now on, I can continue to make my commitment to write.
I think I can. I think I can.
Now, dear reader, I'll ask that you forgive me for my aside. Since I do not feel equipped to write today (yesterday, whatever. I haven't gone to sleep yet so this is still "today" in my book. October 18.) I'll explain why. I'm covering all these years and I did not plan to do this until the day before I began (as is my life very often with five children) otherwise I might have gotten a bit "ahead" with my posts so I didn't run out of hours in the day. And life goes on, despite my reminiscing. And life is still hard. The reminiscing is good. The writing is good. But the day to day still has a lot of "ehh" to it. I have to fight hard core for joy every day. This is the hard eucharisteo.
We still haven't finalized our adoption. One day, maybe soon, I will be able to talk about this in its fullness. For the time being let's just say that each day has it's own adventure. I've never dealt with the judicial system before now, and I do not wish to ever do so again. There has been a lack of common sense and a lot of deeeeeepppp potholes that we have had to pull ourselves out of because no one who is supposed to "help" us has actually be doing that helping. And also there's the fact that the car we're driving on this journey, the one they sold us? It has 4 square wheels. And also when you steer left, it usually jerks you right, and vice versa. And you can't ever make the car stop. It just keeps going. So, yeahhh. There's that.
Then there is the reason I couldn't tell the next segment of my story tonight. Today has been full. My precious sister-in-law who is due to give birth in the coming weeks with my very first niece or nephew (squeal!!) had her baby shower today. I was blessed to take some maternity pictures of my brother and her (and hopefully can share? Maybe?). In addition, my sweet Reuben (our 3 year old) has been having some weird episodes that spawned an appointment with the neurologist a few weeks ago. These episodes have gone on since he has lived with us and based on the medical records I have, even before that. Basically we need to rule out that he is having seizures. So tomorrow, my little man and I will go to the hospital and spend two nights while they do a constant EEG. He will also have an MRI while we're there. So...I'm trying to mentally and physically prepare myself for two full days in the hospital while Daddywayne stays home with the other 4 kids by himself. This is a hard pill for a mama, but I believe I have an amazing teammate and we can do this.
I'm hopeful that since we will be stuck in a hospital room, that maybe I'll have time to write and continue my story. I guess we'll see. I would love for you dear friends to pray for us. I'm praying that they might be able to catch one of these episodes (which are very irregular) on EEG so we can determine for sure what is happening. I am praying it isn't seizures. But I would also love answers. I think it's in his best interest if we could get answers too. Would you pray for us? Pray too that God would guard our health since we'll be in an icky hospital. Pray God would give Dwayne and I grace and strength for our kiddos. Pray that we would rest.
By the way, in case I haven't said it, you guys have blessed me immensely with the way you have devoured my writing. I'm having to contain my slobbering, jumping joy. Thank you, from the bottom of this writer's heart. You are loved.
Till tomorrow (which is Sunday, October 19th, no matter what you think right now. Ha!)
And if you'd like to catch up, all the posts are linked here.