Thursday, July 17, 2014

I broke up with Facebook

I think the title is almost too obvious because my guess is that you are reading my blog now because I broke up with Facebook. That makes me laugh. But on the off chance you don't know:

I broke up with Facebook. Deactivated. Lights out. Adios.

Gosh I guess this has been months in the making. Since this post I have been wrestling through this whole idea of where my time is invested and what it is invested in and I keep coming back to the notion that too much social media is absolutely life sucking, draining, unhealthy, etc. And the problem is that Facebook was doing that to me, no matter the limits I put on myself. Dwayne and I talked and have both seen how Facebook infuriates us and yet how we keep going back to it, and I finally told him, "If you want to do this together, deactivate our accounts, I'm in." So when he told me this week he was out, I knew I was too, and I was relieved for it. I am thankful for the accountability and the leadership. My husband is awesome sauce.

There is a lot of retrospective stuff rolling around in my head. Sorta metacognitive. I know I'm getting all wordy. I'm just seeing how social media is not just seeing what others are doing, but it's also me thinking entirely too much about what I'm doing in light of what others are doing. I even just had the thought that my blog "life through Shana's eyes," while true to form and what this blog represents (you, the reader, get to see how I process and think and all that jazz) it still makes me feel all like, "I'm tired of seeing life through my eyes. I'm tired of being in my own head. I want out!" And truthfully that's what is happening. So much change. I believe it will all be good change, but it is also going to be hard change.

1) I'm giving up soda. Gave up actually. All soda. I've been drinking nothing but water and occasionally lemonade for the past week. It has been a burden on my heart for a while and I'm just doing it. By His grace.

2) I gave up Facebook. First time I've actually deactivated my account. This is big as far as TIME goes.

3) Spending more (quantity and quality) time with Jesus. This is cool stuff. I'm finding that when I don't have other noise, I run to Him. And man does He have such great stuff to impart to me. I told Him this morning that I was the deer and He was the Living Water. He is nourishment and food and delight and I need it.

4) I'm working hard to come off of my prescription medications. By God's grace, 6 years post cancer, I only have had three. (There was a time in my life where there were 5 daily prescriptions. Not cool for a 20 something.) I'm going to be bold here and share that for the past 8 years I have taken an extremely low dose antidepressant for a known chemical imbalance. Endometriosis, child birthing, and cancer did things to my body/hormones and truthfully I have no regrets about my time on Celexa because it helped me feel like "me." I was able to not get swallowed up in hormones and emotions and to process like a human, which was good. I have felt in recent months that for my health, I just want as many drugs out of my system as possible, and so, with the Lord's leading and grace, I stopped taking my Celexa about three weeks ago. And I feel good. I haven't had any weird symptoms. This is only because of Him and His grace on this situation. He lead me and He is still with me. (I don't recommend coming off any medicine without knowing full well that He is calling you and will bless it. Please don't unless you have that leadership okay?)

My next goal is to come off of my Ambien. This is tougher because I know my sleep issues are purely hormonal due to not having ovaries or estrogen. I have tried to come off of it several times to no avail. I'm working toward trying more natural remedies to help with sleep, so we'll see how that goes. For now, I'm going to give it some time since I just conquered a big one. This isn't about being super woman or trying to impress anyone. Just trying to listen to Jesus and my body.

5) A lot of this health stuff is because I was diagnosed with Hashimotos Thyroiditis a few months ago. I have known I had hypothyroidism for about 6 years but no one ever checked to see if it was the autoimmune condition Hashimotos. (This is a side note, but I have had really terrible care for my thyroid issues up until recently. I thank God for my new doctor and I am saddened that it has taken this long and for my body to be in this shape for me to get the information I needed 6 years ago that would have been easy to get. Ask me about this if you want more information.) This drastically changes how I perceive my weight struggles and the other symptoms I have been having for years. It changes my mindset from "I am a loser who cannot seem to get it together and get healthy" to "OH! There's a reason why all that calorie restriction and crazy exercise isn't working." I'll try to post soon about my thyroid struggle because I already know I have friends out there wrestling through some "what is going ON?" health stuff, that could maybe benefit.

All that to say, my #5 is  I am about to go on a gluten/sugar free adventure. I'm still getting my research straight, but basically gluten increases an immune response in your body. My body is attacking my thyroid gland. There is thyroid hormone in EVERY cell in the body. So, if gluten increases this response (or is a trigger for the immune system to freak out) then if I eliminate the gluten, it can help calm my immune system down. Sugar is similar. I'm not a huge dessert eater, I've already eliminated soda, but I need to be aware because sugar is in so many things. I don't think God is calling me to get all vigilante here, but to do what I can to eliminate possible culprits that are hurting my healing. I need more "real" food: veg, lean meats, whole grains, etc. I think my gut needs some healing so I'm making kombucha again and I'm going to try to start fermenting vegetables. This will be interesting, but I need to do it because my weight keeps getting higher and higher (with no diet changes that would warrant weight gain) and I keep feeling more and more terrible. I got bloodwork back today and my thyroid antibodies are 4 times what they are supposed to be, and almost 100 points higher than they were in May. So it's time to get serious about helping my body heal.

I'm tired, and my #6 would be that I'm going to bed earlier and getting up earlier. This requires diligence. So I'm off to do that. More soon...

(For the naysayer who says, "Why blogging and not Facebook?" I would say this: I'm not seeing ANYONE else's business while blogging. No scrolling. No information overload. Just me and my thoughts that someone may or may not read, and that I may or may not post once a month. So, there. Xo.)

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