God is really challenging me (and Dwayne) to evaluate what is truly important about this season and how we are presenting that to our kids...
It isn't presents.
It isn't decorations.
It isn't lights.
It isn't busyness, or shopping, or even family.
It most definitely isn't worrying about money.
I genuinely feel like God is trying to squeeze every last drop of distrust in us about who He is as Provider, out of us. I'm convinced that's why in seven years of marriage, no matter how much or little we have on paper, it always works out the same way. We live paycheck to paycheck.
But this is the kind of stuff God brings into my path when I am most struggling with this:
That is Francis Chan (for those of you who don't know) author of Crazy Love (which I am reading right now). I also just finished reading Radical by David Platt which is challenging all that seems "normal" about society and the way we do church. God is shaking me about how I perceive money, church, the pursuit of stuff, etc. He is trying to rid me of being a people pleaser. A worrier of _____.
I am being wrung out, and yet...
I want more. I want Him. He is the only filler of my needs. Every. Need.
Imagine reaching the week before Christmas and having not bought a single present because you don't have the money. You can't put it on a credit card. You're stuck. You're grieving the thought of your children waking up Christmas morning with nothing to open. And then the thought hits you: What if this is what God wants? What if somehow in us being brought down to a certain level of rawness, we see Him, the Babe in the manger, the Holy One, the Messiah...the One who is coming again--in a whole new way? We get back to the root of the season, minus the presents, the lights, the tinsel, the busyness. We come back to Him. Him.
I want Him.