Thursday, October 28, 2010


I speak a different language.
I have a different family.
I listen to strange music.
I worship a foreign God.

My eyes see hidden things in the sway of the trees, the sunset, the colors all around me.
My ears hear the things unsaid. My ears hear His voice clearly.
I discern the pain in people. I am burdened to pray.

I long to fix all the broken things around me. Most don't see they're broken.
The pain they do feel, the keep bandaging themselves.
Not realizing that an infection lies deep within.
Only one Doctor can cure the disease.

The world I see wants to ignore. They want me to ignore too.
They don't understand my ways. That He must be greater than me.
It is a choice I make, but how could I not?
I know He is worth it, worth laying down my life.
He gave me His life, even though I deserved death.
And He walks with me every moment.
Leading me.
Comforting me.
Healing me.
Loving me.

I long for the world around me to see things as they are.
I often feel burdened by my foreign occupation.
Longing for the day when I'll belong.
But for now, it is best I am here, so that I may bring others back Home with me.

I am a foreigner.

This is what is on my heart today. I love how metaphorical language can speak things deeper than we can say with ordinary words. I think this is why Jesus spoke in parable so often.

There is so much life that has been happening here. We passed around sickness for a month and are all finally on the mend. My thesis chair finally has my thesis and we are working on the first revision. I am dealing with some interesting struggles with a professor and God is showing me that even this is spiritual in nature. Homeschool is going amazingly well, both kids are reading. To God be the glory, because I couldn't have imagined them both doing so well this early in the game.

But my heart's cry is for the world around me. So many hurting people. So many deceived people. Families being ripped apart because of pride and deception.

A church in my city is having a haunted house this week.
A church.

I'm struggling with Halloween. It doesn't matter to me where the day came from or what it means contextually. My issue right now is that I am being force-fed all things scary (as are my children) in Walmart, on TV, driving down the road.

And even by the church.

Not my church, but if we are the Body, then His church.
How is this division possible? Have we forsaken His word so much that we pick and choose which scriptures to believe? Oh how this grieves and angers me!!

"For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is between Christ and Belial (Satan)?" (2 Corinthians 6:14-15)

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

The very demons that Jesus was casting out of people as He walked on the Earth, we are inviting in to our own hearts and those of our children by inviting in fear!!

This is when I feel like a foreigner because very few people seem to get this. My problem is the same that made Jesus angry enough to start destroying the temple:

Jesus entered the temple area and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. "It is written," he said to them, "'My house will be called a house of prayer,' but you are making it a 'den of robbers.'" (Matthew 21:13)

At least one church that I know of is doing a haunted house on Halloween. 
Part of Christ's Body. 
They are charging money for this.

I have no problem with Hereafter Houses, Hell Houses, Eternity Houses, etc. if they are for the expressed purpose of preaching the gospel. I have no problems with children (and adults) dressing up in fun costumes (not scary) and going to carnivals and such and getting candy.
I'm not saying don't have fun.
I AM saying, "Where is Christ in this?"

I wholeheartedly desire to speak truth with love, but so often I fear the reproach of man more than I am willing to share with urgency what Jesus has put on my heart. I'm tired of fearing man. I want to obey my King, whatever the cost. I'm sick to DEATH of watered down Christianity that is unbiblical, misinterpreted, self-preserving, prideful, and WRONG. Jesus said, "I am the WAY and the TRUTH and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father except through me." He goes on to say, "If you love me, you will obey what I command." and "Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by  my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him" (John 14:6,15, 21).

He LOVES us!! He is SO worth us laying down our lives to love Him in return.We must turn to Him. He is our only hope, our only peace, our only joy. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10).

Really can you do anything on your own? You can't make your heart beat or your lungs breathe air.
He doesn't expect perfection from you, but He wants your heart, and He deserves it.
He wants you to lay down what you think you need and want, and listen for what He wants to give you.
His plans for you are so much better than anything you could do on your own.
And in laying down your life, you will be made holy, as He is holy.

I want to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of me and run after him unashamedly.

The world around us is crumbling, and I don't know about you, but...
I'm with Him.


  1. I say, "Amen." Our hearts are in the same place, sista.

  2. I totally agree with you, and I completely appreciate people who are willing to say the truth even if it hurts. Because, let us be real, sometimes the truth hurts but it is still the truth. But, as you already know, I clearly struggle with feeling like my opinions or "what God has called family to" is truth for everyone. There are so many people in the church with such differing views on so many things. Some things are truth for just my family. Some things really are truth for everyone regardless if they embrace that truth or not. What is my role in sharing how I feel? Does my depth of relationship with that woman or family have any bearing on my role in sharing my truth? I don't believe that verse about correcting our stumbling brother mentions anything about the depth of relationship as long as he or she is my brother in Christ. How do I know what I believe to be truth really is truth for more than just me? Feel free to answer me in a new blog entitled "help for the crazy girl." :)

  3. Thank you for sharing your poem and thoughts Shana. I felt like you were expressing my thoughts on your blog post. I feel the same way about Halloween. With this and in other areas I often feel like a foreigner even in the midst of the Body of Christ. I feel like an outsider. But to God be the glory.


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