Two years of praying.
Hoping. Waiting. Suffering. Sickness. Worry. Growth. Leaning. Resting. Crying. Surgery. Pills.
Thursday, March 11, 2010 marked two years.
March 10, 2008 I had a lumpectomy.
March 11, 2008 I got a phone call from the doctor telling me I had breast cancer.
I subsequently lost my breasts, had 31 radiation treatments, panic attacks, shots with a 14 gauge needle in the belly
breast reconstruction, a total hysterectomy, developed a thyroid condition, gained 30 pounds, lost 10.
...learned to love more, harder, stronger. To say it more. To be it more. To let things go that don't matter. To not be so hard on myself or others. To talk about it. To weep about it. To cry out to Jesus for it. To WRITE about it.
...started grad school, watched my babies grow, fell in love with my husband in a whole new way, experienced the joy of support from family and friends.
..became grateful for small victories: growing my hair out and for the first time in my life learning to LOVE my hair, walking a mile, taking the kids to the park, doing laundry, being able to sleep without a sleeping pill, a day with no pain, a day full of sunshine and energy.
...watched the scriptures come alive to me. Heard Jesus speak to me in bold and fresh ways. Discerned His voice; His beautiful, peaceful, joyful, protective voice.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you...
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
2 Corinthians 4:7-12, 16-18
Bless You Jesus in so many ways that I can't even begin to say. Thank You for Your nearness through this pain and hardship. Thank You that You will and are redeeming it for Your Glory. You are worth it.