Saturday, July 25, 2009

My children

Just got through catching up on house cleaning, which is good because I do College Boot Camp again this week. I'm praying it goes over smoothly and that the Lord would show us what we need to do with the income from this. We are praying about selling the motorcycle and buying a new (used) car because when school starts we both think we are going to need it because we'll be going several different directions.

Okay so here is a matter of prayer that I'm sure you other moms can relate to. Tonight I was tucking the kids in and Cayle started asking me some serious spiritual questions. He tends to do that at night when I'm alone with them and he has definitely entered a new phase of depth and understanding both spiritually and emotionally lately. I really believe the Lord is drawing him into Himself and I feel so inadequate at explaining what it means to ask Jesus to come into your heart. Just pray for me that I would know what to say and when to say it, and that Cayle would understand what is happening. I don't want it to be too early for him and I want his faith to be his faith not mine and Dwayne's. I am grateful that I can say that my faith was always my own and I have always been able to walk confidently in that. I want that for Cayle (and Alaya) too. Just pray for wisdom for us as we approach this and that all that the Lord has in store for Cayle would be released in him and accomplished in him in God's perfect timing.

I'm not surprised that he is asking all of this now for two reasons: 1) I read a lot of Dr. Dobson's stuff and he says that age 5 is a critical age in spiritual development, so I've been trying to prepare my heart and myself spiritually for this as much as I can (and yet still feel very inadequate) and 2) Cayle has tended toward being mature for his age and a little ahead of the game in most areas. It is really amazing to watch this unfold and I can't even begin to explain what it is doing in me emotionally and spiritually. I love the Lord. He is so good and I'm so grateful that His plans for Cayle will prosper.

Alaya is about to be three years old. That really blows my mind. I feel like time keeps speeding up and I'm trying so hard to enjoy the moment and the phase but I'm barely hanging on. I took the kids to Party City last night to pick out invitations and I let Alaya pick them. She changed her mind several times but kept coming back to these pink ones with pictures of girly stuff on the front (high heels, necklace, earrings, makeup, etc.). She cracks me up how decided and determined she is in most areas of her life. She is very sure of herself but not in a condescending way. She digs her heels in (to a fault!) and is very hard to move. I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do in and through her. She already has such a sensitive, sweet heart and is really in tune to what the Lord is doing in her in a way that blows my mind and is totally different from Cayle. That is the one area that seems to come easily for her...talking about the Lord and listening for what He is teaching. It is as natural as the sunshine and the wind in her life and that really excites me.

I don't mean to say that Alaya is more sensitive to the Lord than Cayle because that isn't true. And she isn't nearing the moment of decision in her life like he is. Cayle has this depth and intensity about him unlike any child I have met. He seems grown in so many ways and I have to continually remind myself to talk to him like a child and not give him more just because he is so mature. He reminds me a lot of Dwayne. He thinks about things and allows himself to feel emotion and wrestle through issues that are bigger than himself. He blesses my heart. They both do. I can't imagine what my life would be like without these two children. I stand in awe of the Lord creating them and how He is molding them and making them using qualities and traits of Dwayne and I, other members of our family, and all new ones.

"Bless You Lord for Cayle and Alaya. Thank You for making me a mom and giving me all the joy that comes with that. I pray that I honor You in the way I raise them and that you would make me sensitive to Your Spirit and leading so that I may teach them rightly. I pray that Cayle and Alaya would know You and follow You all the days of their lives and that they would dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Accomplish Your good, pleasing, and perfect will in their lives God!"

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