I think I might be secretly in love with Edward Cullen. I'm just saying... ;)
So I started the week well. I went to the gym this afternoon and hoofed it on the treadmill and then did some strength training. I came home with a blister on the bottom of my foot thanks to a lack of support in my shoes. I know I need some new ones but there's a thing called moolah that is in short supply right now.
This afternoon I took the kids for a playdate, when I could have just stayed home and said, "I worked out today, I'm pooped!"
Then I made lemon pepper salmon, brown rice, sauteed mushrooms and zuccini for dinner. SO GOOD! And no guilt!
I still don't have a solid answer about Arbonne. Still praying. The Lord has definitely been speaking though. Yesterday I heard Him loud and clear. Dwayne and I were talking before we went to church yesterday morning about how he really needs a different job that provides a more consistent income. He usually sets goals for himself at work so that he knows how much he needs to make each night so that we can pay our bills. Well he ended up coming up short Saturday night because of some things that were totally outside of his control (i.e. one table stayed for 2.5 hours, a party got sat in his section but he didn't get to wait on them, etc.). He was totally bummed. You know how it is-they are the men and they feel responsible to provide and get burdened and bogged down when they can't like they want/need to.
So what did I do when he told me that? I knew in my heart we would be okay, but in my mind I started manipulating the situation to figure out a way we could pay rent. I quickly went through a list of options from finding something to sell, to asking my parents, to pulling money out of the kids savings, and on and on. I didn't mention any of this to Dwayne but I was deeply invested in figuring it out in my thought life. There was no prayer involved in any of it.
Then we get to church. We just started a series on ordinary people leading extraordinary lives for Jesus. That is my heart's cry and has been for a long time now. We talked about Hezekiah from 2 Kings 18:5. These were the points I wrote down:
-It was all about his relationship
-He trusted the Lord
-He pursued holiness
-The Lord was with him and he prospered
-He perceived where the real battle is
The enemy wants to take us into bondage so that we will not do what God has called us to do.
Our problem is we still care about keeping up with the Joneses. God wants us to completely let this go. He wants us to be perfectly content where we are. How can I change my way of thinking? What does that look like?
How do I handle it when I come under attack? Do I hold it in until it gets deeper and deeper? Do I take it to everyone and plan, manipulate, and work it out on my own?
Or do I pray?
Then, we went to a small group last night and I listened to Beth Moore speak out of Exodus about the manna from heaven. God provided. Period. End of story. They didn't have to strive and manipulate, nor could they, to have food to eat. God did it. He doesn't need our help. He doesn't need my manipulation and in fact it offends Him.
So I am super convicted. Beyond that I don't know what we're going to do. But He does. And I do trust Him. I just get too controlling sometimes. That's not my place.