Monday, June 15, 2009

I said I wasn't going to, but I am...

I'm posting about this.

I have something going on in the lymph area under the arm where I previously had breast cancer. I found a swollen lymph node about 3-4 weeks ago. I initially called the oncologist's office and talked with one of the nurses and she totally poopooed me off. So I called my God-send breast doctor's office and they wanted to see me. I had to wait two weeks though, which was today. Now what was a swollen lymph node feels like a knot, and it hurts. Hagans could definitely feel it and did an ultrasound but is not real sure what it is. He is putting me on another round of antibiodics and vitamin E until next Monday and he'll recheck it. He thinks if it just lymphatic fluid (possibly from the infection I've had?) then it will get better in the next week. If not, I'm probably looking at some kind of biopsy.

How do I feel? I'm not sure. Scared, a little. I had an almost panic attack yesterday but managed to stave it off. I'm talking to Jesus, asking for wisdom for Dr. Hagans and that the Lord would reveal to him what this is. And I'm preparing for the worst. Not that I don't have hope, because I do. But I would rather prepare for the worst and get good news then live in denial and get bad news. I don't really know what else to say but to ask you to pray as the Lord leads you. He is comforting me and I know He is with me.

How do I manage to rebound from that into talking about normal life? I don't think I can. Not this post anyway. I just needed to get it out in the open. I waited because I thought, "If he immediately tells me everything is fine, what would have been the point of worrying anyone?" But he didn't. So if I cause a little worry at this point, I'm okay with that, mostly because I know I'm loved and being prayed for.

Thanks to my readers. I would love some comment love right about now. :)

5 comments:

  1. I love you, and I have total peace and confidence that no matter what happens, YOU'RE GOING TO BE VICTORIOUS--Head held high, arms lifted, and face radiant--never put to shame. Walk on, sister!!!

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  2. Praying for you right now. It is ok to be scared, but try not to let it consume you!! You are a fighter, so keep on fighting!!!

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  3. Hey Shana! I am praying for you! He has brought you this far.. He will keep taking care of you!

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  4. Will pray for you as the Lord leads me. So sorry you are still having some pain! :(

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