Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Me = Overwhelmed

This will be a little bit of a vent. Just wanted to warn you...

So since I was MIA for a while after my most recent surgery my house was neglected. Since I have been back in action I have managed to get the laundry done, which means clean, but have lacked the energy to trudge up the stairs multiple times to fold and hang laundry and put it away. So I have had several baskets full of clean, unhung/folded laundry for a few weeks now. I started tackling it last night and got through one basket. Some of the clothes I am having to redry to get the wrinkles out (yes I realize the futility of all this, but I'm doing good to get the clothes seperated, sprayed and clean right now).

My bathrooms need attention, my floors need mopped, the upstairs needs dusted, and I have no energy. The kids have been extra naggy since I have resumed motherly duties (Mom, mom, hey mom, MOM! Mom, he's touching me! Mom, she hit me!) so that is wearing me out mentally/emotionally. I hate the fact that my house isn't clean like I want it to be. Drives me nuts. I can't handle sitting in a dirty house. Or a smelly house. I desperately want some oil for my Lampberge lamp or some plugins because even though I really love our open floor plan, I hate the fact that whatever I cook in the kitchen seeps into the living room and the bedrooms upstairs. Particularly things that don't smell so good after the smell has lingered for a while.

I so much want a backyard for the kids to play in but we just can't swing it right now. Our patio is disgusting from all the rain and the fact that we have trees galore and there is a huge vine that was out of control last year and this year is taking over what little patio we have. Odd enough no one else in our building is having this crazy vine issue. I've called our property managers and they are backed up so I'm not sure when they'll get out here. I called the city and apparently the property this is on actually belongs to the state. So earlier the kids wanted to go outside and I had to sweep our patio and our neighbors because their pollen and leaves were just going to blow right back onto ours, so that the kids could actually play out there. In addition the vine was driving me nuts and I couldn't find our shrub trimmers so I used some wire cutters to whack away at what I could without a ladder. Oh, and did I mention I'm out of my thyroid medicine so I didn't have it this morning so I'm even more lethargic than normal? (Yes I am going to pick it up today. This was the first day I've missed it and now I see how important it is not to run out.)

And Dwayne, he's doing what he can but he is working like crazy so we can pay bills right now. We had some of my student loan money that we were falling back on to help with bills this semester, but it lasted us until the end of the semester (which is what we planned for it to do) and now its gone. So Dwayne is trying to work double shifts because he brings home more money that way. So he isn't around right now to pick up the slack.

Dude what is up with all the white fuzzy things flying through the air? It makes me want to sneeze just looking at it!

I want to be in a good mood right now because the sun is out and it's a beautiful day but somehow when you are exhausted and overwhelmed you can't get past the ceiling that is those things. I feel like life should be slowing down but I feel more overwhelmed right now than I did pretty much all semester. Weird. Maybe its my ovaries being gone? Well if it is my body needs to get over it because there will be no hormone replacement for me. The fact that I had cancer prohibits that.

I want to try to end on a good note. I was helping Alaya change clothes yesterday and she needed to go potty so I told her to go. As she was getting off the potty I noticed that she wiped the wrong way, which we are still working with her on because she has only been potty trained for a few months now. I told her she was wiping the wrong way and she said something about how boys wipe that way. I told her that it doesn't really matter which way boys wipe. And she said, "Right because boys don't wear tootoos" (our word for her private parts. I realize we could call it vagina because we do call boys parts 'penis' but tootoo is a word I've used my whole life. Go ahead and laugh.). I just thought it was hilarious that she said, "wear tootoos" as if it were something you could take off.

Okay I need to get them down for a nap. I'm going to try to take one myself.

*Edit-just went to lay kids down to nap and discovered that my dog peed on my bed. A LOT. Just what I needed, another mess. Pray for me.*


  1. Hey Shana! This is JoAnna from Preserving a Generation... just wanted to say THANK YOU!! for directing people to the site, and more importantly prayer! :) I will be praying for you and your family too. Did you guys ever get to go outside and play on the patio?

  2. Sorry Shana!!! I'll pray for you today. I pray today will be a better day, that Shana's time will be maximized, and that her energy level would be exactly what she needs for today. I ask for complete healing and rejuvenation. I ask for realistic goals for her--that they be Your goals for her today. Help her to breathe and give her patience and endurance for the day.


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